O Mighty Crisis Stories

Downward-Facing ADHD Doggie: Frantic Yoga 17

Downward-Facing ADHD Doggie: Frantic Yoga

“Downward-Facing ADHD Doggie: Frantic Yoga” I may pride myself on being a hearty soul, but the truth is that I host a puny inner wuss, a very small person who lives inside me and who doesn’t like scary or creepy things like: voles; people knocking on my front door wearing...

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East or West, My Couch Is Best 15

East or West, My Couch Is Best

“East Or West, My Couch Is Best” More adventures from the “Jocelyn As Idiot Runner” Files: I am the kind of person who can get lost between my house and my job (where I’ve worked for six years). I can take a wrong street on my way to Cub Foods...

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“Tell Me I’m Pretty, Then Watch Me Cling: Lonely Hearts and Icy Lungs” 16

“Tell Me I’m Pretty, Then Watch Me Cling: Lonely Hearts and Icy Lungs”

“Tell Me I’m Pretty, Then Watch Me Cling: Lonely Hearts and Icy Lungs” Yesterday on the Western Waterfront Trail: -10 degree wind chill + an hour of trail running = me, in the clearance bin at the Lunacy Mart That’s the new math. Three minutes into the run, I was...

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“Suffering From Twinklementia: Color Me Ronnie” 15

“Suffering From Twinklementia: Color Me Ronnie”

“Suffering From Twinklementia: Color Me Ronnie” Zoom in on 1997: One day, having just slammed a triple-shot mocha in an effort to fight off a marauding hoard of the late-afternoon grumps, I made a new friend. As I exited the coffee shop, a woman–a stranger to me–came up and said,...

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Ehhhh? I Cain’t Hear You ‘Lessin’ I Turn Up My Hearing Aid 10

Ehhhh? I Cain’t Hear You ‘Lessin’ I Turn Up My Hearing Aid

“Ehhhh? I Cain’t Hear You ‘Lessin’ I Turn Up My Hearing Aid” Here’s a statement that most everyone–outside of perky cheerleader Homecoming Queens, Buzz Lightyear, Paris Hilton, Lassie, and Barack Obama–can agree with: “I’ve spent a large part of my life feeling not cool but wishing I were.” Certainly, my...

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Will Shortz and a Gold-Lame’ Bikini 6

Will Shortz and a Gold-Lame’ Bikini

“Will Shortz and a Gold-Lame’ Bikini” Speaking of why parents worry that the schools won’t be able to unlock their kids’ particular gifts… Yesterday, my three-year-old son, Wee Niblet, draped me a big poncho of goosebumps, with one, random comment. We were getting out of the car, on our way...

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Every Rose Has Its Thorn 3

Every Rose Has Its Thorn

“Every Rose Has Its Thorn”My freshman year of college, I watched 40 people recoil in horror when I announced at the first floor meeting in my dorm: “And I really like heavy metal, especially Ozzy.” Soon enough, after four years of being exposed to the folksy Midwest, I outgrew my...

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The Original Cheap Date 3

The Original Cheap Date

“The Original Cheap Date”A couple of weeks ago, on October 31st, The Groom and I volunteered to be readers at our daughter’s school; the school celebrates a “Harvest of Literature” that day because to actually say the word “Halloween” would have meant that the place was run by Satan worshippers...

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Daytime Pain and Nighttime Soap 4

Daytime Pain and Nighttime Soap

“Daytime Pain and Nighttime Soap” Call me predictable, even stereotypical: I dread going to the dentist. Sure, Dentist Person may be a very nice individual, well-qualified, and gentle of touch, but I still don’t like him/her. Me no want to see Dentist Person.The deal is that Dentist Person has tools–tiny...

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Twenty-Eight First Graders, the Lone Teacher, a Slew of Specialists, and One Shy Girl 5

Twenty-Eight First Graders, the Lone Teacher, a Slew of Specialists, and One Shy Girl

 Anne Lamott once wrote of a type of situation so taxing it could “…make Jesus drink gin from the dog dish.” This is how I often feel, as the parent of a school-aged child. It’s surprisingly hard to let my kid go off all day to be manhandled by the...

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