O Mighty Crisis Stories

22

“Dharma Bums” GAAACK. I’m a human shoe tongue. Leathery. Dessicated. In need of a good tug to straighten out my wrinkles. For the love of high heat indexes and mind-altering altitude, could someone just pass me some moisturizer? And then, so long as you’re in motion, dump a 64-ounce Slurpee...

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Time After Time 27

Time After Time

I’m currently the bologna in a Colorado sandwich. I’m aware makes no sense, so don’t scrutinize it too closely. Cutting through my nonsense, what I’m saying is that I’m currently in Minnesota, having recently come back from a kamikaze weekend in Colorado. And tomorrow, the family and I are taking...

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41

“If You Get My Drift” As a teacher of writing, my life is full of unexpected chortles; sometimes, I get to chortle when students with visible thongs and bra straps complain about not being taken seriously. Other times, I get to chortle because students write crap without thinking about what...

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26

“The New Meth…Wait, No, Even More Addictive Than That: The New Chocolate“About fifteen years ago, I took up cross-stitching for all of two months. Single and childless, I was looking for a hobby, and the idea of handiwork tapped in to my desire to share pursuits, outside of grinding corn...

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A Basic Civil Right: Being Scatalogical 33

A Basic Civil Right: Being Scatalogical

“A Basic Civil Right: Being Scatalogical” What is it about little boys? Why are the colon and its emissions so profoundly, continually hilarious to wee males? These days, my four-year-old (who, in his defense, is heavily under the influence of a cadre of neighborhood seven-year-old fellas) toodles around the house,...

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Squeak 38

Squeak

“Squeak” (the only good mouse has a single testicle) When I was in college, I sometimes had to miss class, and not always because I was hung over or because Hart to Hart was on tv (I loved the way Max the butler said, “When dey met, it was moida”...

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Take a Spelling Test? Or Apply for a Promotion? 36

Take a Spelling Test? Or Apply for a Promotion?

“Take a Spelling Test? Or Apply for a Promotion?” You cannot think this was easy. Yes, that’s me in the back there, sandwiched between future cheerleaders. (As long as we’re all here together, can we stop a moment to admire the costly and chic backdrop used in this photograph? Too...

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Neither Hero Nor Saint 31

Neither Hero Nor Saint

In 1906, my maternal grandfather picked up a typewriter and threw it at the principal of his high school. He was 14. Shortly thereafter, he left his hometown in southern Minnesota and made his way to Montana, where he found work as a “hired hand”–a cowboy, in more romantic terms....

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31

“The New Joy of…Cooking” There’s no better way to challenge the loyalty of one’s readership than to post a recipe. I could, therefore, entitle this post something Sally Fieldlian like, “You DO like me, right? You WILL come back, even though I’m posting a recipe? I promise it will be...

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Nine Plus a Spare (agus) 44

Nine Plus a Spare (agus)

“Nine Plus a Spare (agus)” Some weeks back, my good pal Dorky Dad (whom, in the weirdness that is Bloggerworld, I wouldn’t know if I ran over with my scooter in front of the Dairy Queen, but whom I nevertheless dote upon) tagged me for the most straightforward meme ever....

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