O Mighty Crisis Stories

Above the Horizon I 19

Above the Horizon I

  I never felt particularly close to my paternal grandmother. She was pessimistic; she groused that I sat on the couch and read too much (“Don’t you ever go outside?”); and the candy jar in her living room only ever housed lemon drops and restaurant-style peppermint circles, which are the...

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Token Diet 24

Token Diet

Loathing my general wideness, I decided to try out “The Subway Diet.” It worked for that Jared dude, after all, and he looked pretty trim and tidy wearing his khakis and specs in all those commercials. So I committed to the Subway. But damn if I couldn’t choke down all...

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California’s Recent Legalization of Gay Marriage 23

California’s Recent Legalization of Gay Marriage

“In Which Jim, Who Has Previously Guest Blogged in This Space, Suggests His Lack of a Boyfriend Might Affect His Views on Social Issues, Specifically the State of California’s Recent Legalization of Gay Marriage” So, yea, my pal Jim (aka iJim) used to live in Duluth; he was my boss....

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What Color Are My Parachute Pants? 29

What Color Are My Parachute Pants?

It all started with the brown rice. There was a muttered conversation with Groom, a little talk that went something like, “Yea, okay, we eat a cow a week, so maybe sometimes we need to compensate by ingesting something uber healthy, like, you know, whole-wheat pasta.” Then we ate some...

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Ka-powie 19

Ka-powie

 In an age when Kevin Federline sets the standard as a guy to admire, I’m feelin’ the need to go all revolutionary like Mr. Muscle Oven Cleaner did back in the ’70s and take a moment to set the bar just a tidge higher. I can up your K-Fed, culturepeople,...

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Epizeudy Boogie-Woogie 22

Epizeudy Boogie-Woogie

When I think about the rhythm of my existence, the words “West Coast freestyle” cross my mind, as does a brief Lambadic beat, but ultimately I have to admit the cadence of my life is most aptly labeled “semesterlyish.” Back when I was in college, during the “who’ll-shove-Alexis-Carrington-into-a-fountain-this-week?” decade of...

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The Spindly Nasturtiums 17

The Spindly Nasturtiums

Photos like these remind my head to think nice things about these miniature people– lest the only thought in my brain regarding them be, “Horton hears a tinkle, but what age do y’all need to be before the pee actually goes into the toilet instead of getting mopped up by...

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I Commend My Spirit 23

I Commend My Spirit

The thing about being in one’s forties is that there’s a humbling amount of perspective. As I look behind me and see the wee charmers nipping at my heels and then look ahead of me and glimpse the sometimes quick and easy slide to the grave, it’s hard to have...

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Just Sayin’ 34

Just Sayin’

 This Is Just To Say** by William Carlos Williams I have eaten the plums that were in the icebox and which you were probably saving for breakfast. Forgive me they were delicious so sweet and so cold. This “found” poem, originally a note Williams stuck on the fridge for his...

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Riddle You That 25

Riddle You That

  Overheard tonight here at the compound: Groom to me: “Wow. Good thing we have these paper towels–because this thing is dripping with honey.” Any guesses?

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