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The Clock Struck Midnight, and My Every Dream Came True. For, Like, a Day.
You know how it’s impossible to guess Susan Lucci’s age–unless you look at her neck? And then you gasp and declare, “Why look at those deep grooves! Say there, you well-preserved soap sprite, you’re holding up nicely–but maybe wear a scarf, eh?” This is not a judgment. Personally, I’ve not only got some grooves but also
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Child’s Pose
Admit it. When we were young, we had ideas about the future: “I’ll never be old like those dorks” “I can’t wait to live in a mansion” “I’m planning to harness ambition and power to make an impact in the world” “I can’t wait to drink legally” ———————— And now, here I am, in my
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Don’t Even Bother with a Tickle-Me-Elmo
You better believe we can drive to Target blindfolded. What’s more, we’re members of The Birthday Club at the independent toy store. We’ve rocked Goodwill. We know how to hit the “pre-sale” at local garage sales. In short, we know where to find Playmobil sphinxes; robots with remote controls; board games for learning geography; scooters for knee skinning;
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Also, Both Kids Have New Teeth Growing In
My college is on Spring Break. Ergo, it is rainy, grey, drizzly, and miserable outside–the kind of days where we have the lights on even at 10 a.m. since there’s not enough natural light coming in to keep us from tripping over toys on the floor. Another key element to any Spring Break worth
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Seven Miles and a Side of Ketchup
The beauty of my husband is that, in addition to accepting my quirks, he comes up with ideas as to how I can bump them to the next level. A couple of months ago, for instance, I was thumping around the house one afternoon, kvetching about how Jocelyn’s Perfect Storm coalesces when free time for exercise
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I Think I Need a Good Plucking. I Said PLUCKING, You Guttermind.
In seventh grade, I played flute, piano, and bassoon. I took ballet and modern dance several days a week after school. I sang in the children’s community choir. Simultaneously, in seventh grade, I believed KC and the Sunshine Band had created something revolutionary with their “Boogie Shoes.” I thought Shields and Yarnell redefined the boundaries of
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Well, Jane, It Just Goes to Show You, It’s Always Something
Remember how Gilda Radner used to play Roseanne Roseannadanna on Saturday Night Live? Even if you’re too young to remember it, maybe you could humor me and use your incredibly taut and pert breasts to type out a comment of, “Yes, Jocelyn, I do remember Gilda Radner playing that character. She was very fubby.” (see, you mis-type
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Sono Così Emozionante
You are very clever, youse. In our recent guessing game of “Where in the World Will Sabbatical Take Them?,” quite a few commenters came very close, or even rightly named, our family’s likely port of call for our upcoming travels. Here’s the summary of how we got to our current perch: 1) Jocelyn was born.
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Deep in the Heart
Some of y’all might remember that my sister flew me to Denver last October so’s I could help her organize her stuff. Upon my return from that fun weekend, I posted something on Facebook about it…only to have a pal from college reply, “I would totally buy your plane ticket, if you’d come help me
